In theory, as society advances, educational models should also advance. Is this a reality? The ways of educating have been changing over the years, here parents play a fundamental role.
According to recent data from the Spanish Youth Observatory ( OJE ), 80% of those under 30 years old live with their parents. According to the National Institute of Statistics ( INE ), a third of adults between 30 and 35 years old are still not emancipated . More and more experts confirm that these percentages are not only justified by the unemployment rate and job insecurity, but also due to personal insecurity and frustration of young people, produced by ineffective educational models and that generate vulnerable children and with a low sense of responsibility.
Help you turn frustration into learning
The better a child manages frustration, the better self-esteem they will have and the more successful they will be: it is important to teach the child to persevere, set realistic goals, encourage their independence to resolve and teach them how to achieve it by adjusting to their needs, reinforce their achievements when they get ahead, etc. . that is, turn frustration into learning . Some strategies:
- Teach the child to identify frustration when it appears. Help him put words to it, give himself time, and persevere.
- Teach him when to ask for help. It encourages the child to try to resolve the situation first.
- Play roles : model your child by teaching him skills in specific situations, starting from interpreting a difficult situation. Let him put himself in one role and then in the opposite. What could you do instead of getting angry?
- Relaxation techniques .
- Consistency : There should be no differences in patterns between the two parents to avoid falling into the “good cop / bad cop” trap. They should also be stable and predictable patterns that the child can anticipate. This consistency is necessary to promote the safety of the child.
- Flexibility – Adapting to changing life circumstances while maintaining essential family values will often be the key to success.
Limits, patience and how to solve problems
The perfect parent does not exist, but there are ways of educating that make it more or less skilled. The more skillful the parenting, the more confident and autonomous the children will be when they grow up.
- A child needs limits
If he does not have them, he becomes disoriented. Those limits have to be reasonable, age-appropriate and purposeful . It is the parents who must define them in advance and convey them with affection and dialogue. Telling a minor how far he can go does not mean being a tyrant, it is an educational act.
- The character of the parents
The adult must be respectful, affectionate, approachable, unconditional and capable of motivating the minor to develop.
- Helps and not magic solutions
If the child has difficulties, the parent should not solve them the first time, but give him resources so that, with his help, he can achieve the goal. It is about the adult being able to function as a scaffold, where the child can lean on to continue growing and evolving. The frustration is a normal emotion, accompanies us throughout life. It is neither good nor bad in itself, but must be learned to manage through the stimulation of the child’s personal resources.
Authoritarian model and hyperprotective model
In recent years there has been a change in the way we educate our children. It has gone from an authoritarian model to a hyperprotective model.
- According to the authoritarian model, prevailing for years, one or both parents exercise power over their children strictly and in a climate of tension. Children’s needs and desires are silenced by uncompromising discipline and duty.
- The exhaustion of many of the children raised since authoritarianism led to a 180º change in the educational approach, and they became hypermobile and permissive parents, unable to set limits.
- The overprotective parent seeks above all to make life for his child as easy as possible, preventing or avoiding any difficulties. This seemingly beneficial attitude causes children to delegate minor problems to parents, and they often react aggressively if their wants and needs are not immediately met. As they are used to having what they want when they want, they become hopelessly frustrated if a “no” appears, leading to strong tantrums when they are young and to explosions of aggressiveness in adolescence. In addition, this lack of skills to handle frustration reinforces aggressiveness.Since if the child understands that through the tantrum he gets what he wants, he will have more and more tantrums.
What you should know…
- The more skillful the parenting, the more confident and autonomous the children will be when they grow up. Therefore, far from acting as hyperprotective parents, it is about developing some strategies .
- Among them, setting limits for children, while providing them with resources so that they can overcome difficulties without the parents solving them automatically.
- The better a child manages frustration, the better self-esteem he will have and the more successful he will be: it is important to teach him to persevere, set realistic goals, foster his independence, reinforce his achievements when he advances, etc.
CHILDREN WHO DO NOT GROW
This type of dynamic that avoids the “no” to the child and gives him what he wants in the event of a tantrum, generates incompetent and fragile children. Personal security and confidence in one’s own resources and capabilities is obtained by overcoming obstacles and increasing difficulties, which is why children raised from this model are doomed to dependency and insecurity. It can lead to a myriad of problems, from school difficulties, anxiety disorders or relationship difficulties to depressive, sexual, eating disorders or addictions in adulthood. Children who “do not grow.”